Hello…..to My Empty Nester Era

It’s been six weeks since we moved our daughter into her college dorm room. Six weeks since my husband and I made that brutal four hour drive home from Clemson. This wasn’t our first rodeo. We walked this road with our son a couple of years ago. But leaving our girl ushered us into our empty nester era, so this dorm move-in just hit different. We were so tender hearted those first couple weeks, but that first night home, the quiet, the calm, the peace that we often yearned for when our children were younger was almost deafening.

Dorm Room Before

Dorm Room After

(Check out the dorm room design plan here. And see how I DIY’d the headboard here.)

Though what I can tell you now, six weeks in to this new empty nester lifestyle, is that like childbirth the more time passes the more you forget the pain. And also, as hard as this may be to believe, especially for those of you with high school seniors, you will at some point actually start to embrace the beauty of the experience. It’s a truly amazing thing, the body recovers. And as it turns out, so do our hearts. Childhood is temporary. Any empty nester will tell you how true that is. But, motherhood is forever.

Raising babies is such rewarding hard work. There is so much joy coupled with exhaustion. It’s sweet snuggles and tantrums, book fairs and homework struggles, random “sorry I was hateful” texts and broken curfews. You take the good, you take the bad, you take it all and there you have – the facts of life motherhood. So it should come as no surprise that launching our babies into the world is also an incredibly bittersweet experience. To be so proud and happy for your child while also sobbing uncontrollably on the inside (at least you hope its happening where no one can see) is such as strange yet totally normal mix of emotions.

Yet somehow no matter how prepared you are or how many friends or family members warn you, these feelings often catch you by surprise. You might find yourself in a gas station bathroom sobbing as you listen to the little girl in the next stall tell her mom in her sweet little toddler voice that she can do it herself and “you not need to come in wif me.” So, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there is no way through but through. The rollercoaster is wild, friends. But just as you survived sleepless nights, potty training, the middle school years, and driving lessons, this too you will survive. And maybe even there will be some thriving!

I’ve always felt like becoming a mother was a lot like the metamorphosis that a caterpillar goes through to become a butterfly. We’re the same person, and yet motherhood changes us so completely and forever. What I didn’t realize until now is that there is another metamorphosis that happens when our babies leave our nests. And I think I’m currently in my chrysalis stage all coccooned up over here as I take this time to think about what’s on the horizon and what I want for this next phase of my life.

The end of one era is the beginning of the next. And I for one am excited to fly!

So, to all the moms who are launching babies soon, I hope you feel seen, encouraged, and hopeful. To those in the motherhood trenches, your feelings are valid. This is hard, and while it is true that childhood isn’t forever, you will always be their mom. So don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself. And to those that have been in their empty nester era for a while, I’d love for you to share some words of wisdom with us!

A few things that have helped me nurture my tender heart over the past six weeks:

• Planning a “celebration trip”. My husband and I took a long weekend trip to Vegas a couple weeks after we moved our girl into her college dorm. We saw Shania Twain and The Killers! It was such a fun, much-needed weekend away for us to congratulate ourselves on a parenting job well done!
• Not eating dinner alone at home. We’ve mostly eaten dinner with friends or made reservations. Nights in our now quiet home seem to be the hardest, so having reservations or plans with friends have made this transition to the empty nester life a little easier. I might be ready to start cooking dinner at home again….but I’m not sure I want to tell my husband that yet. 😉
• Lots of self-care! I scheduled a ton of appointments ahead of time knowing that I would need to keep myself really busy. Hair, nails, derm, dentist….I’ve taken my self-care really seriously!
• Physically moving my body. In the name of staying busy and boosting endorphins, trying new things and recommitting to exercise has also been really helpful. I’ve been taking daily walks, have made Pure Barre a regular part of my weekly routine, and I’m looking forward to trying a bungee fitness class.

All in all, for me at least, what has helped the most is just allowing myself to feel my emotions and staying out of my daughter’s bedroom. 😉

The truth is when we say goodbye to anything we often need to grieve.

But what I’m finding now is that the beauty of this time is in saying hello to everything that awaits.

College Kid Related Idea:

If/When Box