From time to time I share real life stuff on this little blog…………this is one of those times.
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Ask a person who was a teenager when their parents got divorced what that experience was like and you’ll get all sorts of different answers.
For me, I almost can’t put it into words………….and the only real analogy I can give that can somewhat convey what that time in my life felt like is to say that I was shipwrecked.
I was lost at sea.
Without any real survival skills, I found myself alone in the water.
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The other day I ran into a friend who got divorced a few years ago. He’d been through quite a bit over the past few years, and about a year ago he got remarried to a wonderful girl. We chatted for a minute and then as he was leaving he asked me to wish him and his new wife luck as they were planning to start a family. I smiled with well wishes as we said our goodbyes.
I got to my car, and I cried.
He has two beautiful children from his previous marriage. As happy as I am for him, my heart still hurts for his children.
Maybe it’s because I know what it feels like when your parents climb aboard a new ship and you’re still in the water.
Every situation is different and divorce certainly isn’t the end of the world………..it’s not the worst thing that can happen in your life………….except that all too often when it comes to the kids affected by divorce their feelings about the situation…………their very real feelings…………are often not even considered.
I guess I sympathize with the children because I’ve been one. I know how hard that first Christmas is…………..when everyone around you is like, well, how nice that you get to have two Christmases this year…….like you’ve won the freaking lottery or something. I know people, especially other adults, in a sticky, uncomfortable situation like to try to find the silver lining. Adults are soooo good at putting on that fake smile and telling you that everything is going to be okay aren’t they? The truth is though, looking back now, all I wanted at the time was for one of the adults in my life to just be real for minute and look me in the eye and speak the truth – this really sucks. Because it did.
But I survived that shipwreck…….and I’m stronger and wiser for having been through that experience.
And I was so blessed when I finally realized………………..I was never alone in that water.
Jesus was my life vest.
Great post, Carmel. While I'm fortunate that my parents have been married for nearly 50 years, I've seen marriages of friends come to an end, and I know their children are struggling. It's heartbreaking and devastating. I remember seeing an Oprah show on divorce, with a therapist who worked with children, and I was in tears watching their pain revealed in ways the parents weren't even aware. I think many parents think their kids are "fine" because that is the line their kids feed them, because they don't want to burden them with the truth or cause any more strife between their mom and dad. No child walks away unscathed. Thanks for sharing.