10 Things to Tell You

Social media is a highlight reel.  You know this.

I can assure you my house is never as clean as it looks in pictures, and more often than not I’m in gym clothes, despite having not actually made it to the gym, 4 days a week.  Behind the highlights or maybe in between them, life is happening, and it’s messy and funny and covered in dog hair.  At least it is at my house.

I’ve always tried to balance the real life stuff with the pretty stuff I share here at Our Fifth House.  Because I think there’s beauty in all of it, and there is real value in sharing your stuff, all of it, not just the instagram worthy.  So today I’ve decided to jump in to a really cool social media challenge that was dreamed up by Laura Tremaine.  And if this isn’t your cup of tea, feel free to skip this post.  I’ll be back on the decorating bandwagon tomorrow.

I’m a little late to the party….but I’m answering all ten today, so I’m also somewhat early.  Depending on how you look at it.  😉

#1.  I grew up….

in Rowland Heights, California, which is just slightly north of Orange County.  With a Puerto Rican father and a mother who is half Japanese and half Mexican, I was surrounded by diversity both at home and in my melting pot of a neighborhood.  Growing up, racism was a thing I learned about during history class.  It wasn’t something I personally came face-to-face with until I was an adult living across the country from the nest of diversity that raised me.

In my adult life, I’ve been followed around stores…..I guess for fear that I might steal something….I’ve also been ignored in stores until my white husband has joined me.  I’ve answered my own front door and have been assumed to be the maid or the nanny.

People sometimes assume that I grew up poor.  It’s the oddest thing, honestly….I have no idea why?  Because I’m brown?  Because I went to a state college?  Somehow there are people that think my husband “rescued” me out of poverty.

I grew up in a middle class neighborhood, went to private school and was raised on annual passes to Disneyland. When my parents were married, they owned two homes, one in Rowland Heights and one in Oceanside.  Silver spoon?  Far from it.  But definitely not poor.  First in my family to graduate from college, yes, I am.  But every elder in my life graduated from the school of hard work and determination.

#2.  Someone who has influenced me….

of course my parents and grandparents all played a role.  But the not so obvious ones would have to be, first, Anne of Green Gables.  She made me fall in love with words and with reading.  She made me feel like my wild imagination and affinity for making up words was wonderful and good, and not at all weird.

And the second isn’t a fictitious person, she was my 6th grade English teacher.  Mrs. Sherriff taught me to look at a story from every point of view, and that lesson has helped me so much in life.

#3.  A thing that changed my worldview was….

the Parkland, Florida school shooting.  My own kids’ school was put on lockdown in the days leading up to that shooting.  And I don’t know if it was the combination of our own schools being on lockdown and this shooting happening in the same week, or if it was the conversation I had with my kids the night of that shooting; but all I know is a 13 year old should never, ever have to tell you what their plan is if a shooter comes into their school.

“The first thing I would do is text Josie to find out where she is.  Then I would text you and dad to tell you I love you.”

I will never forget the look on my son’s face when he said those words or the way it made me feel…..never, for the rest of my life.

#4.  I am strangely good at….

Ms. Pac-man.  My grandparents owned a video arcade when I was a kid, and I grew up playing all those old school video games.  Ms. Pac-man was my grandma’s favorite game, and she’s the only person I’ve ever known that could beat my high score.

#5.  I have mixed feelings about….

the healthy living movement, or more specifically our society’s obsession with being “fit” and sharing it on social media.  On the one hand I gobble up all the healthy meal ideas and recipes that are being shared.  And I also find it super motivating to see people sharing what they do for exercise – whether it be running, barre, yoga, pilates…I enjoy seeing how people fit those activities into their schedule.  But it also at times feels a little unhealthy.  The posting of before and after photos of your body….I just, I think all too often the focus seems to be on how your body looks rather than on how it functions or feels.  As someone who has dealt with body image issues in the past I personally have to be very careful about who I follow in order to stay in a healthy place mentally and emotionally.

#6.  A defining moment in my life was when….

my parents got divorced.  I was 13.  That’s a tender age for such a huge life change, and my parents divorce was rather messy.  It was hard and if I’m being honest, all these years later there are still times when the ramifications of their divorce affect me.  And that has made me angry at times because it hasn’t seemed fair that they’ve gone on to live their lives and I’ve been stuck in the middle.  But as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that I’m not actually stuck at all.

I don’t have to be in the middle if I don’t want to be.  I can set my own boundaries and demand that they be respected.  I’m still learning how to navigate, but I feel much more in control than I ever have before.

My mom just recently celebrated her 17th wedding anniversary.   I wrote some thoughts about it here.

#7.  Recent discovery I can’t stop talking about….

macadamia nut milk.

I am telling you guys, it is a non-dairy game changer!  It is hands down the best alternative to coffee creamer I have ever found.  Seriously, it’s so, so, so good!  Better than coconut milk.  Better than almond milk.  If you can’t do dairy or if you’re trying to cut back on dairy, try it!   The brand I like is Milkadamia and their tag line is ~ Moo is Moot.  The marketing major in me dies!  I love it!   You can get it on Amazon or Thrive Market, but I get mine at Walmart.

#8.  Something I’m struggling with right now is….

finding the right parenting balance in these middle and high school years.  God bless first children.  They’re truly the guinea pigs.  As my kids have gotten older they need me less for some things but more for others.  This stage is less tiring physically….but more tiring emotionally.  I’m showing up and doing my best.  The things they’re facing….it’s a different world.

At church a couple of months ago, one of the greeters asked my husband and I how we were getting involved, and he was really trying to sell us on becoming volunteers.  If I’m being honest, I walked away feeling a little ticked.  I’m not serving at my church right now because I feel called to be very present in my home.   And while I’m not saying that you can’t do both.  Volunteering for the sake of pleasing other people or putting on appearances, I’ve thankfully outgrown that way of living.  Hopefully someday in the future I’ll outgrow being bothered or feeling the need to justify my choices.

What is going on in these teenage streets is not for the faint of heart.  And I know I’m exactly where God wants me to be, working from home, driving carpool, ready to help, to listen, to hug or to dry an eye.  Filling up my schedule with busy serves no one well.

#9.  My magical reset button is….

totally cliche ~ Starbucks and shopping alone in Target.  I know, how basic can I be, but this is truly me.  I also love walking alone on the beach, reading on a lunch date with myself and riding my bike.  I’m a big fan of alone time.  When I’m surrounded by people, even just my own family, without any little breaks of alone time I start to feel overwhelmed.  I need space and quiet time to reset.

P.S. Our lot got cleared yesterday!

#10.  In three months, will you ask me about….

whether I’ve gotten my hair cut, bought a new phone case and had my car washed.  I am absolutely terrible at checking off personal tasks.  Blog stuff, house stuff, making appointments for the kids, doing health related things like seeing my own doctor or getting my teeth cleaned, those things I have no problem getting done.  But other adulting type things like getting my hair cut or buying a new phone case because mine has been broken for almost 6 months, forget it.  The little things that should be easy to check off a to-do list, I can’t seem to make those things happen.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m afraid to tell you how long it’s been since my last car wash.  The sanitation department may show up and haul my vehicle away.    We can still be friends right?

Tell Me About You

So that’s me, my 10 things, in a nutshell.  I’d love for you to play along!  Leave a comment answering some or all.  There’s no right or wrong way to answer these  – dig deep or keep it light.  Share here or consider taking these prompts to your next girls night, book club or date night!  These would also make great conversation starters in a work environment or around your dinner table.

Thank you Laura for this wonderful challenge!  THIS is the best part of social media…the stuff that brings us closer, pushes us to be more vulnerable and brings our authentic selves to the forefront.