The Book You Need to Read – Share Your Stuff, I’ll Go First

Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First by Laura Tremaine will likely be in my top 5 books of 2021. There’s a feeling you get when you’ve finished reading a book that is really special. It’s hard to explain. But not every book conjures this kind of magic; not every book leaves a mark on your heart. And this is one of those rare, special kinds of books that I want to tell all my girlfriends to read, whether they consider themselves “readers” or not. Because this book is one I think that every woman needs to read!

Why am I in my laundry room in my pajamas holding this book? Because for me this picture best describes the heart of Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First. No, this book isn’t a dirty-laundry-airing type of memoir. But rather, it’s a unique combination of personal stories mixed with questions that will make you reflect and encourage you to share. Reading this book will gently nudge you to show up in your life as your whole, real self because there’s no truer way to be known than to be vulnerably authentic. Encouraging you to share your stuff, the little things and the big things, the stuff that made you and the stuff that broke you, this book gives you permission to let people in to the rooms you might normally keep closed off to company. And with grace, honesty and wit, Laura goes first.

What I found in these pages was not only an inspiring springboard to creating deeper friendships but a catalyst to a deeper connection with myself. And in fact, I loved this book SO much that I chose it as our April book pick for my Instagram Book Club, @4readingwomen. And I’d love for you to join us as we read and share!

The book is broken down into ten chapters that each start with a question. So in the spirit of sharing your stuff and because it’s been a while since I’ve done an introduction here on the blog, I’m answering the question in chapter one. – Who are you?

Here are 10 things about me:

1.My name is Carmel, pronounced like car (that you drive) and mel (the first part of melon). And when I was a kid, I would tell people that I was named after the city Carmel in Northern California. But that simple, easy answer is a lie. My first name, Carmel, comes from my Great Uncle Carmelo. He and my Great Aunt Rosa, took in my dad and his four siblings when their parents died. My middle name is Raye, after my dad’s best friend Raymond. Raymond or as I always called him, Uncle Ray, served in the Navy until retirement. He was unexpectedly in town the night my dad had set up a first date with my mom; and because my dad didn’t want to break his date with my mom but also didn’t want to miss out on spending time with his best friend, the three of them went out on that first date together. My Uncle Ray passed away last spring, and the way my dad cried….. The bonds of brotherhood outside of blood are so sacred and special.

I’m grateful to carry such meaningful names.

2. I’m Puerto Rican, Mexican and Japanese. Many of you already know that. I’m also a second-generation American and the first in my family to graduate from college.

3. I grew up in Southern California, in a city called Rowland Heights that only people who are familiar with the San Gabriel Valley typically know. But as you already know I live on the other side of the country now, happily home in our seventh house here in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, which is in Charleston County. As you know, I’ve moved around a lot in the last 20 years, calling three other states home for a time. Virginia, Pennsylvania and Kentucky will always have a special place in my heart. But South Carolina is the only place I’ve ever truly felt at home since leaving California. I think it’s because it’s the only place I chose for no other reason than I wanted to live here. And there’s a special kind of magic in moving just because you want to. Uprooting and moving to a place where you only know two people outside of your husband….well, that gets harder the older you get. But it’s always an adventure! And when the adventure is one that you’ve dreamed of for so many years, it feels like a pinch me moment when you finally get to make it happen. While South Carolina is home for me now, in my heart, I will always and forever be a California girl.

Rowland Heights, California, made me, and so, a part of her will always be a part of me.

4. I come from a broken home. My parents didn’t divorce until I was 13, but in a way our home was broken long before then. Even when we were all under one roof there were cracks in the foundation. But I don’t want to paint a skewed picture. It wasn’t all bad. Our home was loud with laughter and music, but it was also loud with yelling and fighting. Sometimes it’s hard to share the stories of my growing up years because they don’t always paint the best picture of my dad, who I love dearly. But what I learned is that God can take our broken pieces and make them into something beautiful. Some things break, so other things can be made.

5. I’m the daughter of an artist. My mom isn’t classically trained, but she’s been painting and taking art classes since I was about 9 years old. She’s a true creative in every way. And so much of who I am and the way I see beauty in the world is because of her. I don’t even have the words to express how much of an impact my mom has had in my life, but I feel so blessed that God gave me to her. The older I get the more I realize that the greatest lottery in this life is truly who you’re born to, and I absolutely hit the jackpot. I named my daughter after my mom, Josephine. And one of the greatest joys of my life is being sandwiched between these two incredible Josies.

6. I’m an enneagram type 9, but just four years ago the enneagram was completely foreign to me. Now I can hardly keep myself from bringing it up in conversation. Self discovery is my idea of a good time.

7. I’m a mother of two teenagers. And I think I’ve said this at every stage, but really, the teenage years are the best years. They’re the most emotionally challenging years of parenting I’ve ever had (maybe that’s also the pandemic talking?), but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed watching my kids become their own people. They still drive me bananas at times, but I love hanging out with them!

8. I’m no good at small talk. Honestly, I don’t think I ever have been, but it’s something I’ve not realized about myself until the last couple of years. I just don’t have the bandwidth to talk about fluff, you know? I mean, sure, I’m cordial to strangers, but what I’m looking for in girlfriends is depth. This might be why I loved Laura’s book so much! I’d rather have a small group of deep connections than a large network of surface level friends.

9. I’m 42 and have been married for 20 years. In my late twenties and early thirties, I shied away from sharing how long I’d been married with new friends because there was always a weird vibe I’d pick up on whenever female friends would find out how young I was when I got married. As if their marriages were somehow more stable because they were “more mature” when they walked down the aisle or something. But I stopped caring about what people thought years ago. I think timelines are dumb. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong time to decide to share your life with someone…..to make a career change, to have a baby, to move to a new place…….life is short, not guaranteed, and precious. You only get one. And NO ONE knows you better – not your parents, not your best friend, not your spouse – than YOU. Trust yourself.

10. Last but certainly not least, I love Jesus. But I have a complicated relationship with Christians. I attended a private Christian school from preschool to high school. My growing up years were filled with daily Bible classes, weekly chapel attendance and church services. And looking back, I feel like the Bible was used more as a whip to keep me in line rather than a tool to give me life. And while I was in college I wrestled with much of what I’d been taught. Diving into the Word of God on my own is what has sustained me. Jesus is a rockstar, but sometimes his fans are really something. You want to know who He is? Read the gospel. Don’t let Christians sour you on Jesus’ perfect wine. PS – Him turning the water into wine is absolutely my favorite miracle! 🙂

Now, tell me about you! Where are you from? How do you typically introduce yourself to new people? Who are you?

And go get this book!

*See more of this family gallery wall here, and check out my laundry room here.