Do What You Love

Life as a mom is, in a word, crazy.  I never thought I would be a “stay-at-home-mom”.  I always knew I wanted to have children, but I saw myself as a working mother.  My own mom was a working mom, so I thought my “mom life” would be a lot like hers.  Then my boy was born, and my world changed.  All the previous dreams I had for myself changed.  I was on maternity leave and I couldn’t even imagine going back to work.  So I thought I would stay home until he gets a little older and then surely I’d be ready to go back.  Twenty five months later my girl was born.  Being a mother of two that are 25 months apart is “interesting” especially in the beginning.  I learned the most about who I am, what I can handle, where I struggle, what I need to work on, and who I want to be during that first year as a mom of 2 kids under three.  My hub was in sales, was traveling a lot, and I was alone with them a lot.  Seeing yourself through your children’s eyes is not always the easiest thing to do when you’re tired and cranky and impatient and did I mention cranky?  I grew up a lot during that time.  I feel like that was a time in my life where I really matured, really sought God, and really learned.

This last fall my daughter, my baby, headed off to kindergarten.  The summer before she went I swear if I was given a penny every time someone asked me, “Well, what are you going to do now?” or “Are you going back to work now?” or “Won’t you be so bored at home with them both in school?” I would probably be a millionaire.  Okay so maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but honestly, it’s not too much of a stretch.  I guess people just imagine that now that my kids are both in school that my job of being a “mom” or at least one that stays home is over.  It’s funny too because my original plan was to take the first year while she was in kindergarten to make plans to work the next year.  I wanted to use this year to plan ahead and see how things would work for our family.  Oddly enough, as far as my “stay at home mom” job goes I work harder with them in school than I did when they were home.  The job has gotten easier in some ways and harder in others.  I feel like I deserve a medal of honor every day I get my kids to school on time.  That first hour of my day – 6:30 to 7:30 a.m. – is rough.  I can’t even imagine what’s it’s like for parents with 3, 4, and 5 kids because I barely get my 2 there on time dressed, fed, and ready for the day.  Sure I have from 7:45 to 2:35 p.m. to myself, but I’m not exactly sipping a cafe mocha at the coffee shop with my other stay-at-home-mom friends.  I’m busy cleaning, doing laundry, paying bills (I’m the CFO of my family – as my hub calls me), grocery shopping, volunteering at the school, errand running, preparing for after-school activities, and yes, now blogging.  Writing this blog takes time (a lot of it) and it has become like a part-time job for me (which is such a surprise blessing!).  Although, as much I love to write this blog, it will always come second to my first job – stay-at-home-mom.  When the bell rings, the after-school frenzy starts.  Hopefully by that time I’ve managed to cross off most of the things that were on my do-this-while-the-kids-are-in-school list because if not I’m in serious trouble.  I’ve got to help them with homework, take them to whatever activities they have, get in reading time, make dinner, make sure they get a shower, have them clean up their rooms, and spend some down time with them before they go to bed.  It’s a fast paced hustle that happens here every day from about 3 ’til 8 p.m.

Apart from doing all the required “stuff”, right now my biggest mom struggle is trying to get them to get along with each other.  I’ve said more times than I care to – Jesus wants us to love another – that saying – treat other people they way you want to be treated  – applies to your brother and sister too!  When you have kids that are close in age, they are the best of friends and worst enemies.  They argue, they fight, they battle, and I pull all of my hair out.

I am a stay-at-home mom who blogs and I believe that if you

it will never feel like work.

Never let anyone make you feel like you should be doing something else with your life.  It’s your life; do what you love!  If wanting to pull your hair out every day makes you happy – just know that I get you.  😉

*linking up at Serenity Now

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  • I love this post! I'm a stay-at-home mom of 4 teens – it's a lot of work! And I love it! But if I had dollar every time someone asked me "What do you do all day?", I'd be a millionaire too! My to-do list is very long…

  • You have no idea how reassuring those words are to me. I'm not a stay-at-home mom but I am a mom to 2 very young boys who are full of vigor and life! I recently wrote about the journey to becoming a good (better) mom and your post reiterates the thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis. I have learned more about myself since my 2nd child was born that I ever thought was possible. I see a lot of my frustrations coming out through my kids behavior and I hate that! When I'm cranky, they're cranky. When I'm mad/sad/glad, so are they. I have relied on God more in these last few months than I have my entire life. It's just nice to know that I'm not alone or unique in my feelings. Great, well-timed post!

  • Great post! I know I work harder at home with two boys than I ever did sitting behind a desk at work – and it's a 24 hour, 365 day a year job. I know a few friends who go to work for a break! But I feel blessed that I can be at home, they are only young once…

  • I can completely relate. My first two kids are 20 months apart and my husband traveled a ton at that time. It was one of the hardest times of my life. Sometimes it seems like such a blur. I grew up during that time also. Great post!

  • Your post really resonated with me and is exactly what I needed to hear today. I am a stay at home mom of 2 kids, 2 years apart, a boy and girl, and my youngest will be starting Kindergarten this fall, so I'm starting to get all those questions. I plan to continue staying at home. I love being a mom and although I worked for 10 years before my first baby was born and enjoyed my job, once I had my daughter, I always knew I would be staying home with her. My kids are also best of friends and worst enemies! I love what I do and it's nice to hear about other moms with similar philosophies.

  • Great post, Carmel! I would think most people that make that comment to you, are just envious they aren't able to do it, too. I know you handle it with class and grace, and your children are blessed to have you there every day!

  • Carmel, you know I know where you're coming from. My own sister in law told me that I don't do enough to justify why I should still be at home. Then she asked how am I a help mate to my husband. I was surely caught off guard and pissed about the question. She asked while my husband and mother in law was sitting there. The only reason why I felt uncomfortable was because sometimes (I know I do), I question myself and how much I really am helping my family. But then I realize that I am doing something NO ONE ELSE can do for me and my family. And you're right, we the CFO. We are the ones that keep the house in order (In everyway).

    Great post. Doesn't it feel good to let it out?!

  • I am a stay at home Mom of 11 children! 8 girls and 3 boys! 3 in college…2 in High School…1 in Middle School…2 in Elementary School…1 in Kindergarten and 2 babies at home! They are in 5 different schools this year which can be very challenging. My day begins at 5 am and NEVER ends! I go to sleep around 1am and if I am lucky I may get 2 straight hours of sleep during that time. Seven loads of laundry daily…run the dishwasher a minimum of 2 to 3 times a day…Doctor…Dentist…O​rthodondist etc. and yes even the Vet (we have a new puppy!) appointments are scheduld daily in between swimming, music lessons, sports, dance and all of their other activities. NEVER a dull moment! There is ALWAYS someone going through some sort of phase whether it is potty training or those "wonderful" teen issues. I like to think of my life as "Organized Chaos" Overworked…underpayed and NO sick time… some days I go hour by hour but I wouldn't change a second of it. I LOVE being a stay at home Mom. It is the most challenging but most rewarding job there is. There is no dollar amount that could take the place of what I do. ♥

  • I'm sure a lot of stay at home moms get that sort of question and your response is absolutely spot on. On the flip side, as a working mom I get the question of "don't you want to stay home with your children?" or "isn't it hard to let someone else raise your kids?" My response – I'm a mom, that's the hardest and most important job in my life. My choice to raise my children and be a mom as well as run my household AND work is just that…my choice. It's not for everyone. Same goes for stay at home moms – it's a choice we make based on our set of circumstances. We all love our children, we all want to raise them the best we possibly can, we just have different paths to the same destination… Stay at home moms should be proud of the "work" they do every day…just as working moms should be.

  • Raising children is the hardest, most frustrating, most rewarding job in the world. I still quote you when I say, "It's crazy town" over here. And yes, at the end of the day, if you love what you do, no matter what that is . . . it makes it all of the juggling worth it. Cheers, friend.

  • I agree with every word you said! Amen sister! My babies are 11 and 13 now and I still feel like being at home is where I belong. I actually did a post about it last month. I still get asked those questions all the time! Kids growing up does make things easier in some ways, but it also gets so much harder in others! I feel like my job as a mother is more important than anything else I could be doing. It is the hardest job in the world, but I now me being here makes a huge difference in our families lives.

  • Great post! As a mom of 2 boys who are only 18 months apart, I understand completely!! The first year was ROUGH! And I'm learning everyday on how to balance life, housework and blogging. Somedays I envy those still out in the work place, but then I look at my boys and quickly remember how lucky I am to stay at home with them.
    Thanks for sharing!
    Sarah

  • This is a great post! I went to school to be a teacher, but I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom. When I expressed that dream, instead of climbing "the ladder" with teaching my host teacher made my life a living hell and stopped respecting me because I didn't have career ambitions. It's so frustrating that people don't acknowledge the hard work of stay at home moms and aren't respectful of them!

  • Love this post, Carmel!! My circumstances over the past 12 years have been much different than most stay at home moms. I moved to Canada 12 years ago to be with my, then boyfriend, now husband. His daughter was only 20 months old when I moved her. (Now she's 13!) My hubby was in real estate and her mom worked. Since I couldn't legally work yet, the stay at home role naturally fell to me. Well 12 years later and after having my own daughter, who's in kindergarten now, I'm still at home. I look after two kids a couple days a week to help make ends meet, but I've never worked outside the home.

    Of course once our youngest started school I started thinking about going to work when she starts 1st grade. But then I started thinking about all the days off during the school year and summer vacation, and realized I'd have to get childcare. So, we've already decided I'll stay at home for who knows how long. My daughter was soo happy to hear that. She's a total momma's girl and was already getting upset at the mention of a day home or day care.

    I'm fortunate enough to be able to stay at home. Although some months we financially just squeak by, it's worth it to us to have our girls know someones always here for them. Anyway, sorry about such a long comment. This was a post that really got me and is something we've recently been talking about. Thanks for sharing! =)

    ~ Catie

  • I seriously want to write so much in response to this post Carmel because every.single.word resonates with me!!! Especially about the "witching hour" before school trying to get everyone out the door. LOL! My youngest heads to Kindergarten in the Fall and I know it will be a huge transition for me (and her!). My hubby travels quite a bit too so I completely relate to being alone a lot with 2 young kiddos. It can be lonely, huh? I really think you captured so beautifully how I've been feeling lately and I just so appreciate this post. Blogging has definitely become a part-time job for us and we are so thankful for that! But, nothing compares to my very first and most important "job" as mommy. AND, I just want you to know that I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for my kiddos to start developing a closer relationship with each other and they truly have turned a corner and now play together all the time! Granted, that might change next month. LOL! But I still believe that my prayers were answered, even if just for this season. Thanks so much for sharing from your heart with us!
    Vanessa

  • Thank you for this. I had also always envisioned myself working, and when I was regnant with my first I had to go on leave I was so sick. After that, going back didn't make sense, especially after our daughter was born. 3 kids in 4 years later, and I am so happy I am at home with them, even if I do sometimes want to pull my hair out:) I love your honesty and I truly believe that each of us can be happy if we are brave enough to find our own paths.

    Jessica
    stayathomeista.com

  • All I can say is thank you, Carmel, thank you for such a sweet tribute to mothers everywhere and for making me realize that I'm not the only one who has battling children, feelings of being crazy, and annoying people asking me why I don't "work" (c: If you were here you would be getting a big ol' kiss and hug, so luckily for you, you are out of harm's way (c:

  • My first was 22 months when number 2 came. Number three is a little behind. She decided to come four years later, this February. Three kids is a piece of cake. Buwhahahahahahahaha.
    There was an article in our paper yesterday about SAHM's. According to salary.com, based on all the jobs she does, the average mom is worth $112,962 a year. Now if I could just find someone to actually pay me. :o)
    Great post Carmel.

  • This is awesome! YOU made a decision for YOUR family. No one else can make that decision for you. I'm happy as a woman, for other women, who make a decision based on what they want to do. Some women want to be a mother and be a part of the workforce, others don't. Some women want to be the stay-at-home parent, some women can't. But like you said, Do What You Love! Also, I'm happy you don't have another job because then this blog might not be as awesome. You clearly put a lot of time into your projects and into this blog which inspires constant inspiration. Thank you!

  • LOVE this post!! Yesterday my boys were fighting like crazy & yes, I was pulling my hair out, BUT when I had to get up and go to work this morning (I work two days a week), I was completely bummed to be leaving them!!

  • amen amen amen a million times over. i think we all wage these battles in our heads, and you put it into words. i always knew i wanted kids and i wanted a parent at home- whether it was me or my husband. i just felt it was important. well, chris had the career when we started our family so i became the at home parent. and it's tough, and my kids also are the worst of friends sometimes and i wonder where i am going wrong. but i can be there when they need me. i can be there if they are sick. i can be there to greet them with a smile when they get home from a bad day at school. and i wouldn't have it any other way.

  • I have been following your blog for a bit of time now but have never posted, what a great, great post! You said that so well. I am staying at home with our daughter who just turned 2 today, well, side track I am an RN so I work one weekend a month. So technically, I guess I am home 99% of the time. Of course, my daughter is home with daddy that weekend I work so we don't have any other childcare. I know what you mean about all the questions and others making you feel like you should be working more. I get the guilt trip from some friends about having a bachelors degree yet "I'm not using it." And I get asked when I am going to start working more…haha, I work very hard every single day. I have come to the conclusion that some people just don't get it and never will. My husband and I feel very blessed that we are able to do this for our daughter. Could we buy more things, do more if I still worked full time, of course, but those things would never be as great as the day last week when she woke up from her nap and we went outside to blow bubbles at 4 in the afternoon when most people are working. Thanks again!

  • All I can say is, good for you! My mother went back to college when I entered high school, and I felt she never had time for me after that. I needed her because those were very tough years for me, but I was left to get through on my own, which left me with a lot of anger. I vowed never to do that to my own children, which was one of the reasons we chose to home school (a reason far down the list, but still important). Now my girls are 21 and 25. One appreciates everything I did, the other still struggles. Could I have done a better job? Of course. But staying home with my girls was the best thing I ever did, and it helped prepare me for my current job, which is a caregiver to my husband. I learned a lot about self-sacrifice, something I need now. Continue to keep your eyes on God, and on doing the best for your family. You won't regret it!

  • Great post Carmel. Early on in our kid journey, Michael and I discussed this whole stay at home thing and together we decided my being at home was/is just as important when the kids are older as it is when they are young. Now that Nick is a teenager, that hour he and I have home alone before the girl gets home is critical…we talk about so much and let me tell you, SOOOO much goes on in middle school – things you don't even want to think about yet! I am so lucky to have that time with him and i love that he still feels comfortable data dumping on me…i will embrace that as long as he is willing to spill it! Sometimes I worry our kids get "too much parents" with me being home and Michael working from home – we are always around but then I think about how quiet my childhood home was when I was a teenager, Mom had gone back to work, Dad traveled all week and my brother was in college – it was just me, left to my own devices and teenage angst – out in the country! I didn't like it at all. I will say I often feel bad about not contributing financially to the family but that is my own guilt – Michael has never EVER made me feel that way…some days i feel like all i do is spend, spend, spend and i never actually add to the pot if you know what i mean…yes, i realize my being home saves money on after school care, cleaning ladies that sort of stuff but you know, i don't actually deposit a check into the account…but that's my own self induced guilt talking – i skip a couple of months getting my nails done and it passes!! Anyway – being a stay at home mom is great, tough, well, it's everything all rolled up in a package that doesn't get time off but that's ok, it's what i signed up for and i'm not a quitter…a procrastinator at times but not a quitter! and PS – you're doing a great job!

  • Thanks for sharing this, Carmel. Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job I've ever had, and makes me appreciate my mom all the more. It has also made me more aware of the many seasons of my life!

    By the way, there's a fun new page over on Facebook that you and your readers might enjoy: https://www.facebook.com/NeverWorkedADayInHerLife. I'm sharing the link to your post there now.

  • I felt like I was reading my autobiography….kids 25 months apart…husband in sales…traveling….baby off to kindergarten plus the fighting! I started my own design biz prior to the baby going off to school but I struggle all the time finding balance….the biz is small so I still can be "mom" when the bus pulls in but sometimes I feel as though I fall short on all fronts….I keep reminding myself that while some days might be a struggle….every day is a blessing…thanks for your honest post!
    Joanne

  • Carmel- thank you for sharing your heart. I commend you for staying true to yourself and for your courage to tell it like it is. I think people do have a misconception that SAHMs with kids in school have it so easy, but thank you for sharing what it's really like. I work pretty much full time and still wonder if I'm doing the right thing because this time is going by so fast! You are doing a great job Carmel!

  • I just now was able to sit and read this and I have to say, I LOVE it. My husband and I were not fortunate to be able to have children of our own, but I stayed home and helped raise our goddaughter when her parents' issues (emotional and financial) kept them from being able to do it. My husband and I are now helping to put her through her last year of college. We get no write-offs on our taxes, we don't get family holidays with her as often anymore, but we know that what we did was for HER future and we don't regret it. I heard lots of comments from family and "friends" questioning why I didn't work and heard remarks like "my poor husband this or that". Frankly, it was and IS no one's business but ours. If my husband and I are on the same page, that's all the matters. My mother worked full-time outside the home for most of my childhood and I was very proud of her. But, the best memories I have from childhood and the times I feel I fared best—emotionally AND physically—during those years, are those few times she had quit her job to stay home. So to all of you stay-at-home moms who wonder if it really matters to your children: It DOES matter! They are VERY lucky to have their moms at home! 🙂

  • Beautiful post! My kids are still little, and although I have PLENTY of moments where I just want them to grow so that life will feel a bit more manageable, I know it will really take off once they're in school. And you confirmed that. 🙂 Congrats on making the decision that is best for your happiness, as well as your family's! (no matter what anyone else might think!)

  • I could not agree more. I am also a stay at home mom whose children are 26 months apart. It truly does take a lot to keep the household running on a day to day basis. Kudos to you for doing all your hard work because I know your kids do appreciate it and will do so even more when they are much older.

  • I, too, had the luxury/ privledge of being a stay at home mom after my second was born. I relate TOTALLY to what you say. I went back to work when they were driving and finishing high school. I am glad to have my own thing.. now that they are at college and have their own thing. HOWEVER, Not all the money I could have made then or now that we pay two college tuitions could be worth the joy and memories that time had for me. Enjoy, my friend because it is like they say.. it is gone in the blink of an eye!! Lucky you, lucky children!

  • I am also a stay at home mom of 4. One in college and one just out of college and then the younger two are in jr. high and one in high school. On top of that we own a dairy farm. Many days I feel like an only parent. Life is not easy here. I have a sister in law that works one day a week or so outside of her home and often tells everyone how lazy I am because I stay at home. She has only one daughter from a different marriage who is an adult now and out of school though still living with her. Not only do I do all the same things as you I also write and am about to publish my first children’s book. I also am a genealogist and have several years ago published and sold a book on part of our family. I am still a stay at home mom. I don’t make a pay check to “support our family” like her. Nor Do I help out doing farm work because I have health issues that prevent that now. I did do so till I physically could not. During the time I worked our farm and all the other stay at home stuff with 4 kids in elementary school or younger. I did not receive pay for the farm work and she did not work at all and did nothing but take vacations and played and laughed at me. I don’t have a husband that comes home by 5 pm and helps with the children and the house. I am the only one responsible for the inside and outside of our home and our children. If something breaks down I am the one who fixes it. My husband is not here to do so. He is busy with no time off no vacations and no supper to eat some days no lunch either because he feels he need to keep working and not take the time to eat. He takes no sick days either. This leaves me with everything else to do. We have had only our honey moon for a vacation in 25 years!!!! My sister in law has had one or more vacations a year! Yet she has the nerve to say we do not work and are lazy! I am frustrated with those who condemn me for staying at home to raise my children and say I am lazy and do not help support my family!! That I don’t work for a living. I work very hard. AHHHH!

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