Tips on How to Marry Design Styles

One of the most common questions I’ve received from readers over the years is, “Does your husband give his opinion on decorating and if so how do you handle?” The answer is YES. He has an opinion, and he always shares it with me. The second part of my answer is – well, it’s complicated. 😉 Today, being our 19th wedding anniversary, and having just finished building a house together (and being forced to make a TON of design decisions with each other), well, I thought this day seemed like the perfect time to share my best tips for how to marry your design styles and stay (mostly) happily married to each other.

Keep in mind we just moved in two weeks ago, so our living room is a work in progress. But it’s starting to come together, and it definitely represents both of our decor styles really well.

My husband likes masculine, clean lined, modern, 60’s inspired furniture. He’s not a fan of floral prints and really does not like, dare I say hates, toile. He’s a fan of leather and function over form (where technology is concerned).

I like pattern-full, collected spaces that feel chic but cozy. I’m not a fan of spaces done in all one design style. And I wouldn’t describe myself as a minimalist. I definitely like my tchotchkes.

We spent the first few years of our marriage arguing about how to decorate our home. Almost never agreeing on anything decor related, purchasing furniture was a nightmare. And all the arguing made decorating our home anything but fun.

But as time went on, we got better at compromising. And now, I actually prefer our merged styles to having my own way (mostly 😉 ). I think the combination of our styles is what makes our rooms more interesting.

Merging your design styles is an ongoing process, but here’s what has worked for us:

Respect Over Compromise

Obviously it’s hugely important to compromise with your spouse as you merge your design styles. But for me personally as a creative, compromising in the beginning of our marriage with regard to design felt like losing my own design identity. What helped me more than anything was taking a step back and learning to respect my husband’s style.

This meant doing some homework. I spent time flipping through design books and magazines honing in on details and spaces that really represented the aesthetic he gravitates towards.

This homework helped him to realize that every piece of furniture in a space doesn’t have to look like it came from the same era to make sense together. Collecting images that represented spaces with elements of both of our styles really helped him to see how things could work together because he’s such a visual person.

Give Each Other Free Reign in One Space

Maybe you really, really love floral prints, like me, but your husband loathes them. It’s helpful to have one agreed upon space where you can run wildly in your own design direction without having to check in with your spouse. In this house that is going to be our very small powder room where I plan to let my granny chic freak flag fly sky high!

For him, it’s his office. I’ve definitely helped pull things together in terms of furniture layout and helping him select a green paint color (because that’s what I do). But ultimately he’s been the lead in that space, requesting green walls and a leather sofa. I’ve basically treated that space like he’s my client, and I’ve only shared my opinion when he’s asked.

Don’t Argue the Hard No

Listen, we all have things we just absolutely do not want in our homes. I’ve found that giving each other one solid hard no pass makes compromising on everything else much easier.

My husband is never, and I mean never, going to like toile. It’s a hard no for him. So even if I like it, which I do, I’m never going to bring it up or try to convince him of how great it can look. It’s his pass, and I respect his no.

Focus on Common Ground

You like traditional; he likes modern. You like curvy, ornate, feminine details; he likes masculine, clean lines. Rather than focusing on your differences, focus on what you have in common.

We’ve found a love of color to be our common denominator. My husband isn’t afraid of bold color or colors that are traditionally thought of as feminine. So many people have asked me how I convinced my husband to let me choose pink for our home’s exterior. But I didn’t have to do any convincing at all! As he likes to say he’s very secure in his masculinity. 😉

Don’t Discredit or Laugh Off Your Spouse’s Opinions

So maybe you’re a decorator, a person other people hire to decorate their homes, that doesn’t mean your opinion in your own home is the only one that matters. (I have to remind myself of this a lot. 😉 )

It’s not MY house, it’s OUR house. And it’s not fair to discredit or discount my husband’s opinion just because I’m the “professional”. Because while on certain things like what height at which to hang art or how high to hang curtain panels, I am somewhat of an authority, most of design is completely subjective. It’s an art form. And while there are guidelines, there are really no rules.

Compromise comes easier when you listen, respect and value your spouse’s thoughts, opinions and preferences.

So there you have it, everything that has worked for us over the last 19 years. Four states, one apartment and seven houses later, and we’re still happily married.

One last parting tip…..

Define How You Want Your Space to Feel Instead of How You Want It To Look

If you’re currently struggling with this very topic and you and your spouse are having trouble seeing eye to eye on decorating, this little exercise might be the perfect jumping off point to merging your styles. Maybe do this on a date night!

Grab a sheet of paper or a post-it note and jot down 5 words that describe how you want your home to feel. Feeling words are easier to navigate than words used to describe your design aesthetic.

Basically instead of focusing on words like Traditional, Contemporary, Modern, Eclectic, Farmhouse, etc., words that typically put you in a box or category. Identity your style with words that evoke emotion, such as – cozy, inviting, cool, serene, lively, happy, sophisticated, luxe, relaxed, warm, casual, formal, you get the idea. You’re more apt to find common ground with feeling words, and they are honestly a better indication of your true design style anyway.

Now I’d love to hear from you all! How have you navigated merging your design style with your significant other? If you’ve ever been frustrated to the point of tears while shopping for a sofa, just know that you are not alone! 😉